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| Version | User | Scope of changes |
|---|---|---|
| Sep 23 2006, 10:33 AM EDT (current) | Anonymous | 66 words added, 1 word deleted |
| Jun 23 2006, 1:20 AM EDT | Anonymous | 2 words added |
Changes
Key: Additions Deletions
A spot to place poetry under.
under.
Bound by insanity
Chained to the wall
with nothing beneath me
staring into the distance
lost it completly
childs wish
and insanity
pass before me
like a wovie screen
haunted by the past
afraid of the future
sick of the now
I hang helplessly
me feet on nothing but air
nothing but blackness surrounds me
despair has taken over me.
-Ariel Cambridge
-----------------------------------------------would you like to dance?
dance not with swirling feet
but in dazzling words
would you like to dance under the stars
not hidden by the clouds
but shining in our dreams...
------------------------------------------
Casey Kochmer : 2001
Response
Don't just feel the nightmake it yours
Don't just dance
dance crazy, the taste of love
buckling under the weight
of life
give me all your glee
groping under the stars
Don't just feel right
take what's yours
Don't just take chances
grab the love from above
fucking under the night
of life
give me all that's free
shining in our dreams...
-----------------------------------------
author: CrankyPants
Response
The second poem needs some polish. It starts with a nice idea. I like the idea of making the night part of your life. But the poem needs a second pass to tighen it up a bit in the word flow. anyone care to take a shot?
